I am incredibly excited to soon have the opportunity to give a presentation on the topic of ‘fear’. As an OCD sufferer, I feel like there is no one in the world that can understand this topic more than myself…but that would be where I am wrong.
Every single one of us on this planet experiences fear. We may not experience it in the same ways or we may not fear the same things, but fear is something that is inescapable to the average human being.
As we grow up during childhood and adolescents, we are laying the groundwork for experiences later in our life that will evoke and tap into the fears that were created at those young ages. We may not even know that we are only reacting to ingrained patterns, but if we stop and trace back where the fear we are experiencing at the present moment originates, we will see that fear comes from things that are buried deep inside of us. The reason why it is difficult for us to break it down and figure out the origin of why we are reacting this way is because in the presence of fear, most of us are concentrating our immediate actions to remedy our physical response. That response is usually in the form of anxiety, panic, anger, or ruminating (a term common in OCD defined as ‘trying to solve an unsolvable problem repeatedly in the mind’). These responses are usually unpleasant and most of us are conditioned to resist anything that is unpleasant hence the reason why we will not tolerate fear long enough to investigate where it originated.
I have different views of fear because of my experience with a fear-based brain disorder. The interesting thing is that I can almost step out of my body and mind when I am experiencing it and see how utterly ridiculous I am reacting to something that is irrational…yet, my brain is not consumed with how I feel about what I am fearing…my brain is only interested in making it worse. I can look at the fear objectively, yet like an addict, I can barely resist the temptation of indulging in the ritualistic behavior that accompanies even the most insanely absurd fears.
Oddly enough, I have extensive knowledge about fear and the repercussions that fear has in one’s life, yet the fear that I (and every other OCD sufferer) experiences has absolutely nothing to do with origins. In fact, the fears do not reflect anything inherently true about the character of the sufferer. This probably seems a bit confusing, but one of the distinct defining characteristics of someone who has OCD vs someone who does not is that the OCD fear is irrational and does not have any bases as an actual threat. This is why sometimes it can be even more damaging for an OCD sufferer to receive extensive treatment for the disorder from someone who is unfamiliar with the patterns of the disorder. As I previously mentioned, when people experience ‘rational’ fear, there is usually an origin that if they were to investigate, they would be able to trace why it is they respond in fear when triggered by a stimulus in their everyday life. When people who suffer from OCD experience a fear that is ‘irrational’ in nature which is definitive, there is no origin. The irrational fear is manufactured in the mind…not in any memory. Sure, there may be ties to the fear based on experiences, but there is absolutely no real threat. Because the body of the OCD sufferer responds with anxiety to the threat, it ‘seems’ as though the fear is a ‘rational’ fear vs the manufactured OCD irrational fear.
In both cases however, the fear is still an illusion. It is a response to a greater problem which is why we as humans are lucky to be able to experience fear. I say that, although when I am relapsing I despise OCD and I despise fear altogether…but fear is a sign to us that there are things that are worth exploring and/or there are things that alert us to danger in case we need to protect ourselves.
One final and even more confusing distinction that I would like to add…as someone who suffers from the irrational fears of OCD and the rational fears of everyday life…I am absolutely aware of the difference. Although I may not have control over the reaction my body has to either scenario of fear and/or be able to break myself out of the ruminating cycles, I can easily decipher the two…yet, sometimes it takes a heavy dose of medication for me to be able to control it.
This was a great deal of information and one I would like to break down and elaborate more on in the future. I am happy nonetheless that I will be able to present this sort of material to audiences who may never have had the opportunity to think of fear only as an illusion and not a real and viable thing.
Thank you for reading!
Chrissie
Battling the OCD Demon 